poetry

I see her sometimes, that little girl who loves to be held,

who loves to be cuddled and told stories late in the night

she is just a kid, with no agenda, no axe to grind,

she is just simple, with a dimple

Fuzzy thoughts flow in me

Sometimes I dream and realize I am so beautiful,

so wonderful, that I am truly okay, that I am a wonder

I can see the day when God will say

"well done, you can't believe the trouble you overcame, how wonderful you did

do you remember this, or that and how you were so beautiful,"

I see him telling me just how great I did.

did someone ever tell you how well you did, when you thought didn't,

think of it now, the moment,

hold it close to you,

feel its warmth,

the magic just flows to me over and over again,

the surprise, the joy, the completeness,

the actual feeling of deep worth, seeing me as whole,

I can't wait for that day,

so I don't I accept it now and it lives in my mind,

to know no one will be able to hurt me and I need no one,

only feeling his love and my completeness

I get fuzzy thoughts and they feel good!

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There is a monster who lives in my head,

He talks to me softly he wants me dead.

He tells me this time I'll stay in control.

He tells me not to let anyone know.

He convinces me that no one cares,

He whispers the pain is to much to bear.

He tells me how wonderful I will feel.

He tells me he loves me and it is real.

He tells me not to call anyone,

My heart starts racing, he tells me it will be fun.

He tells me not to think of past times,

He promises I can do it just once this time

Who is this monster who calls me by name, RELAPSE, he waiting to start the game.